In defence of being real over 'ideal'

After my last relationship ended I started to think I’d develop a fear of commitment... only, the shoe didn’t quite fit. I slowly realised that what I thought was fear of compromising my time or space was actually a fear of compromising my self. I don’t need the freedom to try on a man that best suits my fancy- I need the freedom to be who I am, however weird or wonderful the day necessitates, without feeling like I need to change. I’m like that broken piece of eggshell in your mixing bowl- the more you try to constrict me, the faster I’ll slip away. Having the freedom to be authentic is the "why" behind what I do and what I coach. It is so near to my heart because, in many ways, it still feels like a luxury after spending years thinking I had to be ‘better’ or different just to be worthy of this life I don’t even recall signing up for...

  image via:

 image via:

Being true to who you are isn't just a luxury and it isn't self-indulgent. It's not just a cherry on top of fulfilling the roles you're supposed to play. I genuinely believe that being authentic is the greatest gift we can ever offer anyone. No, I didn’t stutter and, yes, I mean it. Your authentic self is the only thing that you alone can provide, so why would you waste your precious energy and the world’s precious time trying to be a carbon copy of someone else? You are the unique culmination of lifetimes of love-making that can never, ever be replaced or replicated- we need you while we have the privilege of having you!!

I am, however, going to preface this by saying that there’s a difference between being “real” and being an a.hole- authenticity is not a hall pass to be a horrible human being. Unless, of course, you want to be an a.hole in which case, go ahead, I appreciate you not deceiving us about it. But when you’re genuine in expressing what you think and how you feel, you provide a safe space for others to do the same. If you don’t accept yourself and can’t truly express yourself, you are inadvertently role modelling to others (your children, your best friends, all of ‘em) that it’s not ok for them to be themselves either… In the well-intentioned act of saying the ‘right’ thing or what you think they want to hear, you deprive them of the unique perspective that only you have, and ask that they do the same. Allowing someone to be themselves is like taking off your bra after a long day. It seems like a small thing, but you cannot underestimate the absolute joy it brings.

The biggest sacrifice, however, is that when we’re not being ourselves we’re not able to truly experience the life that’s in front of us. If we’re too busy living in the squash court of our minds, constantly bouncing around what we ‘should’ say and how we ‘should’ act, then we’re too clouded to truly connect with our lives and those we love. We spend our energy focussed on how we're seen in the world, not actually seeing the wonderful world in which we live. We’re essentially staring at the inside of our heads- not the miraculous beauty around us. How boring is that?!

Life is too precious! This moment will never, ever be repeated. So go enjoy it, ya little rascal, like only you can.