Happiness isn't in the "Facts" - It's in the Feels

Have you ever fallen asleep and then, when you wake up, you could’ve sworn it had only been 10 minutes but really it had been hours?

Now, have you ever had the awkward realisation that that’s happened with your life? Like you could’ve sworn that Christmas was last month or flared jeans only went out of fashion last year. But really everyone else has moved on, the Christmas ham’s all been eaten, everyone’s jeans are provocatively hugging their ankles, and you’re left wondering where your life’s gone. Unless we have a vision of what we actually want for our lives, it's easy for life to become like U2 CD. For all the high’s and low’s, it all seems the same and nothing really happens.

image via: http://funnyand.com/

image via: http://funnyand.com/

I’m not big on goals... That is probably the worst thing a coach could ever say, but what I mean to say is: I’m not big on shitty goals. So many of the goals we create beat around the bush and pay lip service to the things we’re told should be important to us. Have you ever achieved your goal and then, once you got there, felt slightly ripped off because it doesn't feel as good as you hoped it would? That’s because the goal is kind of irrelevant. Hear me out here...

The main reason we want to achieve things is because of how we think it's going to make us feel. We say we want to lose 10 pounds- what we really want is to feel healthy and attractive. We say we want more money- what we really want is to feel abundant, safe and free. We say we want X because we think we’ll feel Y. If you want to actually be satisfied you need to get clear on how you want to FEEL.

A good way to get clear on this is to imagine what your perfect day would look like. And the thing is: it doesn’t need to sound good to other people. It’s not a perfect day because it’d make a great Instagram post or an impressive Facebook status- that's the breeding ground for goals that look good but feel empty when we actually get there. I don’t want you saying you’d like to spend three hours on the top of a mountain or in a yoga studio just because it sounds like you'd be zen as f*ck. If you don’t want to be exposed to the harsh winds or hatha’ing hippies, then get down from the effin’ mountain and get out of the studio. Pretend that no one’s watching. ‘Cos honestly, they’re not... they’re all too busy looking at the amount of likes their own Perfect Day post got.

image via: http://funnymeme.com

image via: http://funnymeme.com

As for my perfect day? I’m not going to bore you with all the details buuuut… I lied, I totally will. I’d wake up feeling zen as f*ck (obviously). I’d drink my warm lemon water in the sun while writing in my journal about how friggin’ zen I’m feeling. The day continues, many ‘lol’s are had with one of my besties in between philosophical musings on the meaning of life or whether pineapple goes on pizza. Throw in a couple of hours of coaching, walking in nature, COFFEE, aimless staring at the ocean, dancing alone in my room to terribly lame music, reading a non-fictional page-turner, drinking copious amounts of tea, more writing to make sense of my self, a delicious picnic dinner with some friends or family (where no one suggests we finish it off with a game of cards, so I don’t have to feign an excuse or fake my own death), and my day is finished with my future soul mate pestering me about how I came to be so amazing (“shuuut up! Oh go on then…”), before I curl up against his perfectly haired chest, purring like a kitty cat. Actually let’s also add a kitty cat into the picture- this is my perfect day after all.

Why did I bother giving you all this information? To show that none of it matters. Sorry for wasting your time :) Woven in between all the details is the fact that I want to feel connected to others, I want to feel inspired, I want life to feel a bit silly, I want to feel loved, I want to feel free and, obviously, I want to feel zen as f*ck. So any goals I have focus on that, 'cos happiness doesn't come from the facts- it comes from the feels. I'd encourage you to do this exercise and then throw away the specifics. How does your day make you feel? And, more importantly, what can you do today to feel that way now?

If you think you can’t summon that feeling now, then who’s to say anything will change when you get the thing that’s supposed to bring you that feeling?... Goals can be amazing and important, but now is the only place life happens- so don’t wait. Otherwise you may well wake up and realise it’s Christmas next week, flares are back in fashion and you still don’t feel as happy as you look in your profile pic. Anyway, I’ve gotta go feel zen on top of that mountain.